weighted down

i am tempted to be the girl i have been before. the opportunity is here. i am sitting on the edge.
and yet, there is more to me now than before. more in me to battle with... more fight in me.

i look in the mirror and i want to scream. and scream and scream. and i just keep telling myself to feel, damn it just feel.

how do you cut heart strings without cutting a hole?

there is a war waging. there is something at stake. i dont want forget where i have been. dont want to forget. dont want to relive it and dont want to forget. but the temptations are there and i wonder what i will do given the opportunity to screw it up.

its a small crime, and i got no excuse. is that arlight? yeah. give my gun away when its loaded. is that alight? yeah. if i dont shoot it how my suppose to hold it? is that alright, yeah? leave me out with the waste. its the wrong place to be thinking of you.

things from the past creep up and its still me.

i see what is behind me, crumbling buildings and running away. burnt down bridges and broken hearts.

i am dreaming again. its been almost six months. i was walking down the hall and i saw him out of the corner of my eye. six foot four, bright red hair. i ran. i ran loud and fast. my heart was at stake and so i ran. grappling for my things i cleared the table and rushed for the door. i heard the loud running steps again but they were his now. then i was outside remembering to breathe. where was my coat? its cold. where is my coat? the table. i went back in. we were face to face. after all this time, an accidental meeting. i dont know what he was saying. i couldnt bear to hear him. he kept talking. make no eye contact, keep walking, find your coat, leave. it's all i could think. he was nervously talking. but the walls are thick now. he cant get in.

is that arlight? yeah. give my gun away when its loaded. is that alright yeah? if you dont shoot it how my suppose to hold it? -damien rice

its still me.