the morning

so i am not gonna lie. i ended a very important relationship this last weekend. i have been so busy; i havent had much time to mourn. i think it is imparative and respectful to mourn the loss of anyone. he isnt dead. he isnt far away. it is just . . . over.

i suppose i could ignore it all. sweep it under the rug. stay as busy as possible and never think out him. but i think rejecting or ignoring my feelings devalues the time we did have. that is unfair and cowardly.

but on the flip side, it hurts. it hurts like hell. and somedays i am willing to do whatever it takes to not feel it at all. i fear the overwhelming power of sadness. it used to dominate my life. for 10 years i was sad. sad and sleepless. but i am not that girl. i am free.

so where is the balance? the even weight of feeling the pain and not being controlled by it?

this last week has been... unusual. one of the most elligible men in my social circle decided to ask me out. what? he must not know who he is dealing with... hahaha... and although the idea of tea and conversation is enticing, it isnt enough to ease the pain.

tonight's medication: beef lo mien and a can of pepsi, both of which are not included in my current menu.